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I have an appointment with Dr H on Wednesday.  I want to talk about getting a plan together. I am still getting conflicting stories from him and the IVF company….

Option 1

  • IUI in late January – depending on my cycle – 8hr drive to their clinic – overnight at a motel – Mum will come with me and share the drive – Full payment
  • IVF in April – Medicare funded

Option 2

  • IUI in February when they will be in my town – Full payment
  • IVF in April – Medicare funded (hopefully)

Option 3

  • IUI in their town – 8 hour drive  – full payment

AND (if not successful)

  • IUI in February when they will be in my town – hopefully Medicare funded
  • IVF in April – Medicare funded
The expense is a killer!! It is not fair. The Australian government wants us to all go out and multiply – they pay a big fat bonus for actually having a baby ($5000 in 2008) – they should make this easier for any person (married, single, other) to access government subsidised medical treatment. The out-of-pocket expenses still run into $000’s but anything would help.
My budget is limited – I would hate to think that my money ran out before my dream came true.
I have a feeling that Dr H may want to do some investigative surgery – I hope not – before commiting to IVF. I will have to wait and see what he has to say on Wednesday.
The not knowing and waiting is driving me mad. I know it is only early days but I do not want to become one of “those” women who constantly obsess about this.

I finally heard from my friend L a few days ago. She sent me a text asking if I would like to meet her and her man for breakfast at a cafe in town.

The text was breezy, friendly, normal…. I ignored it. I was angry, I was upset, I was confused, I wanted her to talk about what was going on. It was not going to happen at a cafe – there WAS going to be tears (and maybe harsh words).

She phoned me yesterday to confirm breakfast and I told her I wouldn’t be going. She wanted to drop off some Christmas stuff so we arranged for her to come to my house in the afternoon.

There were tears, there were harsh words, more tears, many apologies, much regret, and a lot of talking and clearing of the air. I am exhausted, spent….

She had been shocked and upset after thinking about my big announcement to have a baby. I don’t agree with it, BUT I can understand it.

She had received bad news about her own cycle (none of her eggs fertilised). She didn’t want to talk about it at the time, I understand that too, BUT to push me away when I also needed her really hurt, she understands that now.

She knows that I have been there month after month for her, she knows that I was so hurt that she wasn’t there for me.

She also knows that I feel very alone and that talking to her was one thing that I had been counting on – I am still struggling with trusting her with that now.

We have resolved to be better friends to eachother. We have resolved to try to talk about other things (that might be tricky because we are both obsessed about baby-making).

She knows that I will be happy for her if she gets pregnant. I hope she can be happy for me if it happens…..

Well this was not the month for my maybe-baby. Very disappointed.

I dont’ think I really believed that the IUI was going to work but it was the hoping that has left me feeling so let down.

Am going to have a natural cycle this month and then start the hormones again in January.