I finally heard from my friend L a few days ago. She sent me a text asking if I would like to meet her and her man for breakfast at a cafe in town.

The text was breezy, friendly, normal…. I ignored it. I was angry, I was upset, I was confused, I wanted her to talk about what was going on. It was not going to happen at a cafe – there WAS going to be tears (and maybe harsh words).

She phoned me yesterday to confirm breakfast and I told her I wouldn’t be going. She wanted to drop off some Christmas stuff so we arranged for her to come to my house in the afternoon.

There were tears, there were harsh words, more tears, many apologies, much regret, and a lot of talking and clearing of the air. I am exhausted, spent….

She had been shocked and upset after thinking about my big announcement to have a baby. I don’t agree with it, BUT I can understand it.

She had received bad news about her own cycle (none of her eggs fertilised). She didn’t want to talk about it at the time, I understand that too, BUT to push me away when I also needed her really hurt, she understands that now.

She knows that I have been there month after month for her, she knows that I was so hurt that she wasn’t there for me.

She also knows that I feel very alone and that talking to her was one thing that I had been counting on – I am still struggling with trusting her with that now.

We have resolved to be better friends to eachother. We have resolved to try to talk about other things (that might be tricky because we are both obsessed about baby-making).

She knows that I will be happy for her if she gets pregnant. I hope she can be happy for me if it happens…..