I read a post here and it got me thinking…. Is it OK to worry?

Ms. Heathen talks about other people’s misplaced optimism and jumping ahead. She talks about how she was daunted by the IVF journey but how she also presumed that the various steps along her own journey would smoothly go ahead, and how she is thinking that maybe there won’t be a happy ending (Ms H – I really hope you do get your happy ending).

I am not like that – I worry (obsess) about everything, I don’t think that it will all go smoothly. I don’t speak it aloud but the doubts are always in my head. Other than my age I do not know that I have an infertility issue but I still worry that this won’t work out for me. I feel like a crazy-person. I tell my self to be rational….

I worry that I won’t respond to the drugs, I worry that I might over-respond to the drugs, I worry that my follicles will be empty, I worry that my eggs might not fertilise, I worry that they might not be viable enough to be transferred, I worry that they won’t implant, I worry that I won’t have embryos to freeze (just in case). I worry that I may never be pregnant.

Some might think that I have no right to worry – walk a mile in their shoes first – but the concerns are real. The fear is real. It might not be justified but it is with me constantly. I also worry that if I do get pregnant, that it might not end well. 

I read a lot of blogs. I have read alot about loss and grief lately. Never-ending trying to conceive. Much wanted pregnancies that ended in MC. Babies that die. Heartbroken women….

I want to be positive. I do not want to be scared. I start medication next week – the journey begins.

I want to tick off each milestone along the way. I want to be happy.

 I want my happy ending.

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