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I will be going back to work on July 30 and it is not something that I am looking forward to. I want to stay home forever but finances (or lack of) demand that I must return. Money is the one thing that I really worry about, I wish that I was more financially secure. I have decided to return to work for only 2 days a week and we will be able to get by on that. There will be no spare money but it is a sacrifice that I am prepared to make for the next few years. Being a nurse means that I have an extremely flexible workplace – they are so desperate for staff that they will agree to anything to keep you. I also have the option of returning to fulltime hours anytime if I change my mind. At least my job is recession proof.

Childcare is another factor as it is so expensive (and hard to get). At some point you end up working just to pay for the childcare and that’s just crazy. Paige has been going for about 6 weeks now and she seems to be really enjoying it. There are plenty of activities and she is always smiling, clean and happy when I collect her. She sleeps well when she is there and eats all the food and bottles that I send with her. She doesn’t miss me at all. The staff seem to love her – she is a bit of a rockstar in the nursery. It has given me plenty of time to get used to her going and I feel very comfortable that she is getting excellent care.

Paige is such an amazing little person and she has opened my eyes to a side of life that I never new existed. The love I feel for her is overwelming and it has also made me realise that I don’t think that my family is complete yet.  I am going to try to have another baby. I have been to see my specialist, Dr Jim, and we have decided that another full round of IVF will be done in October. I will start my injections on 1st October. There have been changes in legislation here in Australia that will change the way that IVF is funded starting in January next year. Doing a round in October means that I will also be able to do another in December if it is required before the new rules start. It will be good to start seeing my acupuncture guy again too, I found it very beneficial last time and the research that I have read convinces me that it does improve pregnancy rates.

Paige rejected my breast milk about 4 weeks ago which was very sad for me (that is another post on its own) but it does mean that my cycle has come back and I will be able to proceed with IVF without having to take any extra medications. I will use the time between now and October to try to shed some kilos and get a bit healthier, the gestational diabetes knocked me around last time and Dr Jim says that it will come back again.

I will be 38 in about six weeks and I realise that time is against me. My poor old eggs didn’t do so well in previous rounds but I was lucky enough to get that one little embryo that stuck.

I will go into this next step with hope.

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I subscribed to one of those pregnancy sites that sends an email out each week. My inner drama queen thinks this might explain a few things:

If extreme mood swings leave you feeling like a drama queen this week, you’re not alone. Hormonal fluctuations are treating your emotions like a yo-yo now. One minute you feel weepy and the next you’re laughing harder than you’ve ever laughed before. Take comfort in knowing that those same volatile hormones are helping your baby grow.

 

So there may have been a few outbursts, and some tears BUT hey don’t talk to me about hormonal fluctuations – I’ve done IVF!!

A second session of acupuncture may have slightly taken the edge off the morning (all day) sickness, but it still comes in waves. I’m ok with it though cause it reminds me that the pregnancy is still going strong.

Thanks for the thoughtful responses to my last post – I would still be interested in hearing what anyone else might think.

but I’ve been sick…

This little bean is really kicking my butt. I have morning sickness all day and all night. And so, so tired.

Work has become a bit of a hassle – I am a nurse who works in an operating theatre, I have a reasonably strong stomach but lately the smells and some of the sights have left me gagging. Have been to see my acu-guy and have had one session so far, will see him again on Wednesday – he thinks he can get this nausea under control. I hope so because without telling everyone at work why, they must think I have been so slack lately.

Despite all this I am still ecstatic. As everyday passes my fears seem to be reducing. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world, I just wish I was over the 12 week point and post-amnio, then I could really relax and enjoy this ride.

I find myself constantly thinking to the future and planning and imagining what it will be like. I am looking forward so much to meeting this little person (not before January though!!).

 

Acupuncture again today – the usual.  He did some extra work on me to try to relieve the Synarel headaches – it has worked – I don’t have one now.

Had a blood test on Monday to confirm E2 (estradiol) level – the clinic are happy with anything under 200 – my result was 50. My system is suppressed – all good. This means that I now start the stimulation phase with the Puregon commencing tomorrow night.  I have high hopes that the increased dose will really give my system a kick so that I can make a decent number of mature eggs. I have requested an extra blood test after dose 5 to check that my E2 is rising at a good rate. The only concern here is the increased symptoms – bloating, discomfort, pain etc… small price to pay I tell myself.

I still have the one lonely little frozen embryo – this new batch (thinking positive) will be from the same donor – I am glad about this as they will be ‘full’ siblings. The clinic have advised that I can keep using this donor until he reaches his quota of 10 families. If I get embryos to the frozen stage this time I will organise to store some of the sperm for future use. I only have to pay for the storage – not the actual sperm – until it is used. I do wonder about the donor – I hope me and my-maybe-baby get to meet him one day.

Weight loss is continuing – I will start to post regularly – it will hopefully keep me on track.

Life is rolling along.  I had my last BCP last Thursday and having been sniffing the Synarel for about a week now – the headaches are blinding, especially in the morning. These should improve when I start injecting next week.

My dose of Puregon has been set at 350iu which I am happy about. This should hopefully see some better results than last time. I want a good number of nice, big, fat mature eggs – not too much to ask for.

Have been trying to do all of the right things – been seeing acu-guy fortnightly, dieting – have lost 1.2kg this week, no alcohol, and have cut right back on caffeine (might be contributing to headaches) and will stop that when I start injecting. Have organised for about 10 days off work before, during and after EPU and ET. Will try to relax.

My mood swings from excited and hopeful to just plain worried.

I have been reading too many blogs – too many sad stories…. I want a happy ending.

Embryo transferred!!

Everything went very well today. The 2 embryos have both survived and they are very happy with their progress. One is 8 celled with minimal fragmentation – it will be frozen this afternoon. The one that was transferred was 7 celled and is “perfect”.

Dr H was a bit surprised about how well they had done, this surprised me. He says to stay positive and try to relax. My blood test will be on March 12.

My acupuncture guy has done his bit, so all I need to do is take it easy – easier said than done.

Hopefully my little embie is burrowing in as I write. The two week wait begins… 

My little embryos divided overnight.  I now have 2 x 4 cell embryos which is exactly what they should be.

Going in to the clinic tomorrow to have the best one transferred.  Also having the acupuncture before and after.

So far, so good… 

Good news.

Two of the four eggs were mature and they have both fertilised normally overnight.

Nurse Judy will call me tomorrow to update their progress.  Embryo transfer is tentatively booked for Thursday morning. Will book my pre & post transfer acupuncture sessions now. 

I feel relieved… they just need to hang in there now and keep dividing beautifully…. so, so, so relieved.

I have picked myself up and am going to tackle this one step at a time. The tears have dried up for now.

First step – Trigger shot given! EPU in 38 hours. Nurse Judy told me I will be first in on Monday morning.

Hopefully the shot will ripen whatever I have there into a state of perfection. If fertilisation goes well the ET will be on Thursday. 

Had acupuncture and massage this morning.  Can’t say that I’m not giving it every chance – relax, relax, relax. I have started to warm up to my acupuncture guy, I found him a bit mysterious at first, he is one of those people who stares right into you when you are talking (like he knows what you are thinking). He says all of the right things – got me to smile today, and he has nice strong hands. He studied here as well as in China – seems to know what he is on about. We are going to do a session before and after transfer (all going well).

It is out of my hands….

Well I am wishing time would hurry up!!  I want to get on with this round of IVF, I want it to have already been done, I want to have my BFP!!

Had my appointment with the IVF nurse last week and collected all of my medications. Also had my second acupuncture appointment – it is so NOT relaxing!! I have looked at a lot of research which included a trial that involved over 800 women which clearly shows that pregnancy using IVF is twice as likely to occur with acupuncture. It has to be worth a go. My guy recommends a few sessions for relaxation and then followed up with a session prior to EPU and 2 sessions on day of ET (before and after).

Went to an information session that my clinic holds for “first cyclers” and have now decided to transfer one embryo. Dr H had advised that he was fine with tranfering 2 but after a lot of consideration I believe that the improved odds of pregnancy is only slight, compared with the greater chances of something going wrong with a multiple pregnancy. I don’t think I could take the guilt, I want to give my-maybe-baby the best chance it can have. I have decided that if the IVF works for me I will (hopefully) have some frozen embryos, will also store some of the donor’s sperm and then I have the chance for a second baby later.

Today is Day 5 of using the Synarel spray – have had a dull headache on and off the whole time and feeling tired. I take my last pill tomorrow morning.

Trying to be positive.