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The injections really haven’t been so bad. Much better than I thought. I had the first of a series of blood tests yesterday and that was OK too – next one tomorrow.  Will be in touch with Dr H today to find out what my hormones are doing.  I am feeling well – not too crazy, or weepy.

I do find myself totally obsessed though. I think about this baby constantly. I really can’t wait to meet my maybe-baby.

My Mum has been an amazing support through this decision.  She is just so excited about being a grandmother.  I do feel a bit of pressure to ‘perform’ now.  I just don’t want to see her disappointed.

Given that the odds of success aren’t high, I tell myself that it probably won’t happen, and that I shouldn’t be too upset.  A friend said last night that even though the chances aren’t great, that people don’t go through treatment to have a child unless they really believe that they will get pregnant – hence the disappoint I guess.

I remain hopefull.  The big day will be next week – I am terrified. Of everything.

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I have always said that if – when the time came – I was still single, that I would have a baby by myself.  I never defined when that time would be, but I seem to have finally gotten there. I was never sure how I was going to make it happen.

I turned 36 in August and it feels like time is running out. There is no Mr-Right, or Mr-Right-Now on the scene. I don’t feel that I have the time to invest in finding a man, investing in the relationship, seeing how it goes, and then finally (maybe) committing to start a family.

I don’t feel 36, in my head it feels like about 25…..

A close friend and her partner have been having trouble conceiving, they are on their 4th or 5th round of fertility treatment. Combined with my recent birthday, the biological clock has gone into overdrive.  If I don’t start trying, it might never happen. 

As I write this my eggs are aging, I hope that I can do this.

Had an appointment in September with Dr H, he thinks I should try donor insemination first.  His nurse says that the chances of success are very slim – maybe 15%. 

He has started me on a contraceptive (ironic??) and on Thursday 15 November I start injecting myself with Puregon (follicle stimulating hormone).

I’m on the roller-coaster now, hold on for the ride.