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Is that crazy?

Before I had Paige I would have sworn to you that one child is enough. I can support one, I can give one more things, more time, more everything. But pretty much from the moment I saw her I thought that one day she could be all alone.

My family consists of my mother, my sister and me. There are distant (in another country) cousins/aunts/uncles but I have no real relationship and very little contact with them. My sister seems unlikely to have/want children. She is single, 35 and still not sure what she wants.

Paige will have no one in her generation. When we are all old or gone, she might be alone. Hopefully she will have a wonderful relationship and her own children if that is what she wants, but she will have no siblings or cousins that have known her throughout her life.

My sister and have a prickly kind of relationship. We love eachother, we get on great (for a couple of days at a time), after 35 years we both know that short-doses of eachother is what keeps our relationship healthy. We tell eachother things that we would never share with anyone else. The bond with a sibling is a special relationship that I think I want my daughter to have.

I did speak with Dr H at my 6 week check up about having another one.  I have one frozen embryo which has a reasonable chance. He suggested trying to transfer it at the end of this year if I decide to go ahead. WhenI got pregnant I reserved enough donor-sperm to do 3 more rounds of IVF, “just in case”.

Materially it is probably crazy to have another baby BUT I think it might be the best thing to do for my family. I will give myself a bit more time to consider (but not too much, these eggs aren’t getting any younger!).

Is that crazy?

TWO!! Two beautiful mature eggs!! Phew, I am so relieved.

Retrieval went well, felt very drowsy afterwards. Mum took me back to her house and fed me and then dropped me home. I will just take it easy now and keep eveything crossed that they both fertilise with the contribution of my Super-Donor.

Fertilise my little darlings….  Will get an update tomorrow.

Thanks for the kind comments this morning.

 

Acupuncture again today – the usual.  He did some extra work on me to try to relieve the Synarel headaches – it has worked – I don’t have one now.

Had a blood test on Monday to confirm E2 (estradiol) level – the clinic are happy with anything under 200 – my result was 50. My system is suppressed – all good. This means that I now start the stimulation phase with the Puregon commencing tomorrow night.  I have high hopes that the increased dose will really give my system a kick so that I can make a decent number of mature eggs. I have requested an extra blood test after dose 5 to check that my E2 is rising at a good rate. The only concern here is the increased symptoms – bloating, discomfort, pain etc… small price to pay I tell myself.

I still have the one lonely little frozen embryo – this new batch (thinking positive) will be from the same donor – I am glad about this as they will be ‘full’ siblings. The clinic have advised that I can keep using this donor until he reaches his quota of 10 families. If I get embryos to the frozen stage this time I will organise to store some of the sperm for future use. I only have to pay for the storage – not the actual sperm – until it is used. I do wonder about the donor – I hope me and my-maybe-baby get to meet him one day.

Weight loss is continuing – I will start to post regularly – it will hopefully keep me on track.

Well I am wishing time would hurry up!!  I want to get on with this round of IVF, I want it to have already been done, I want to have my BFP!!

Had my appointment with the IVF nurse last week and collected all of my medications. Also had my second acupuncture appointment – it is so NOT relaxing!! I have looked at a lot of research which included a trial that involved over 800 women which clearly shows that pregnancy using IVF is twice as likely to occur with acupuncture. It has to be worth a go. My guy recommends a few sessions for relaxation and then followed up with a session prior to EPU and 2 sessions on day of ET (before and after).

Went to an information session that my clinic holds for “first cyclers” and have now decided to transfer one embryo. Dr H had advised that he was fine with tranfering 2 but after a lot of consideration I believe that the improved odds of pregnancy is only slight, compared with the greater chances of something going wrong with a multiple pregnancy. I don’t think I could take the guilt, I want to give my-maybe-baby the best chance it can have. I have decided that if the IVF works for me I will (hopefully) have some frozen embryos, will also store some of the donor’s sperm and then I have the chance for a second baby later.

Today is Day 5 of using the Synarel spray – have had a dull headache on and off the whole time and feeling tired. I take my last pill tomorrow morning.

Trying to be positive.

Nancy  asked a question on my last entry about would other people at an IVF information session think that my Mum was my partner? parent? whatever…  It got me thinking.

Do I care what “other people” think? I have never known anyone who had become a single mother by choice using IVF as their method. I have only told a few friends and Mum that this is what I am doing.

Mum is excited. Most of my friends are soooooo positive and hopeful for me. My oldest friend (who I blogged about in earlier entries) has not been happy. We caught up last weekend and she made small-talk before finally asking me about the doctors appointment. She was shocked! stunned! and not happy that I was going to be doing IVF in February (her and her man are having a break until they go again in April). I don’t get it.

I have made the decision that my kid/s will know where they came from. I will be including the word donor into our family story from the beginning. It will be open, it will be nothing to be embarrassed about, it will just be the way that it is. I will be open with people who care about me/us, I will tell others to mind their own business.

I wonder what others do.

I have been sick from work today. Have had a killer headache for the last 2 days. Think it must have been a cycle-related thing as it disappeared today with the arrival of AF – I was glad to see the start of this period as it is the start of the IVF process for me. Have been cruising through a lot of blogs and reading about the IVF journey of other women/couples. There are not many single women stories…

So many sad stories, happy endings, multiple births, never-ending journeys – I really don’t know if it good for me to read so many – I feel for these people, I start to worry about things that haven’t happened. I am a lurker on many blogs – I rarely comment, do others do that? I guess people put it out there because they want to share it, I started this blog to document the journey, maybe it might be interesting to someone.

I called Nurse Judy today and we discussed what is going to happen over the next 6 weeks. She will be in my town from 29 Jan and is running an information session for “first-cyclers”. I asked the clinic recptionist if I could bring someone along, and she said that partners were welcome – Hello!! No Partner, anyhoo…. – she said I can bring anyone I like – I will take Mum along. Gave Mum all of the literature that the clinic had sent so she is totally up on the “ins-and-outs” (so to speak) of the IVF process that I will be doing.

Judy will be sending me a copy of my plan and all of the contracts and consent forms in the next week or so. I will have an appointment with her Jan 30 to pick up my medications (and make the payment – owch!). Will double check that I still have the same donor sperm available.

This is my big chance, I have hope that this will work. I might make a baby this year!!! OMG!