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Well tonight I give myself the trigger injection which will make me ovulate – and hopefully release that beautiful little fat egg.

My appointment with Dr H is 8:45 on Friday morning for the insemination – OH MY GOD!!! This is really happening – I am now officially terrified (and excited)……  thinking fertile thoughts.

The sperm donor that I have chosen is:

Caucasian Australian – like me

185cm tall – not like me – some tall genes are a good thing

Slim – like me – (IF I got my butt out of the kitchen and went jogging)

Fair – like me

Brown eyes – like me

Brown hair – like me

Under 40 – like me

He likes music, movies, reading, travel and internet – like me

He works in telecommunications.

He sounds good on paper, he likes what I like.

I hope we make a beautiful baby together. I hope my child and I can meet him one day to thank him for his amazing generosity and for making my dream come true.

I start giving myself injections tonight – follicle stimulating hormone.

Have had a lot of time to think (and worry) about this decision. I really, really, really want to have this baby but I am terrified of everything.

What if I don’t get pregnant? What if I do? Will I be able to look after this baby? Can I afford it? Will everything be ok?

I will have to do these injections for about 10 days – hopefuly I will make nice juicy eggs – BUT not too many. Any more than 3 ‘ripe’ ones and Dr H will call the whole thing off. He says the chance of twins is high doing this treatment but we won’t know how I am reacting to the hormones until I start the blood tests next week. Will be having them done every 2nd day for 8 days – then an ultrasound – and then……. insemination. 

The chances of success are slim, I can only hope.

I have always said that if – when the time came – I was still single, that I would have a baby by myself.  I never defined when that time would be, but I seem to have finally gotten there. I was never sure how I was going to make it happen.

I turned 36 in August and it feels like time is running out. There is no Mr-Right, or Mr-Right-Now on the scene. I don’t feel that I have the time to invest in finding a man, investing in the relationship, seeing how it goes, and then finally (maybe) committing to start a family.

I don’t feel 36, in my head it feels like about 25…..

A close friend and her partner have been having trouble conceiving, they are on their 4th or 5th round of fertility treatment. Combined with my recent birthday, the biological clock has gone into overdrive.  If I don’t start trying, it might never happen. 

As I write this my eggs are aging, I hope that I can do this.

Had an appointment in September with Dr H, he thinks I should try donor insemination first.  His nurse says that the chances of success are very slim – maybe 15%. 

He has started me on a contraceptive (ironic??) and on Thursday 15 November I start injecting myself with Puregon (follicle stimulating hormone).

I’m on the roller-coaster now, hold on for the ride.