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I got the official word from the clinic today which just confirmed what I already knew. This cycle is over.

What plays most on my mind is that for a number of reasons I can only do 1 more cycle. Knowing that next cycle is my last is worrying. I have to pick myself up and get ready to go again. Will be commencing OCP as soon as AF arrives and hopefully start injections of Puregon and Luveris from 13 November. I am trying not to think too far ahead. Not ready to face what might be if this doesn’t work.

I will put in some photos of my beautiful girl. It is obvious (to me) looking at these why I want another one:

I will be going back to work on July 30 and it is not something that I am looking forward to. I want to stay home forever but finances (or lack of) demand that I must return. Money is the one thing that I really worry about, I wish that I was more financially secure. I have decided to return to work for only 2 days a week and we will be able to get by on that. There will be no spare money but it is a sacrifice that I am prepared to make for the next few years. Being a nurse means that I have an extremely flexible workplace – they are so desperate for staff that they will agree to anything to keep you. I also have the option of returning to fulltime hours anytime if I change my mind. At least my job is recession proof.

Childcare is another factor as it is so expensive (and hard to get). At some point you end up working just to pay for the childcare and that’s just crazy. Paige has been going for about 6 weeks now and she seems to be really enjoying it. There are plenty of activities and she is always smiling, clean and happy when I collect her. She sleeps well when she is there and eats all the food and bottles that I send with her. She doesn’t miss me at all. The staff seem to love her – she is a bit of a rockstar in the nursery. It has given me plenty of time to get used to her going and I feel very comfortable that she is getting excellent care.

Paige is such an amazing little person and she has opened my eyes to a side of life that I never new existed. The love I feel for her is overwelming and it has also made me realise that I don’t think that my family is complete yet.  I am going to try to have another baby. I have been to see my specialist, Dr Jim, and we have decided that another full round of IVF will be done in October. I will start my injections on 1st October. There have been changes in legislation here in Australia that will change the way that IVF is funded starting in January next year. Doing a round in October means that I will also be able to do another in December if it is required before the new rules start. It will be good to start seeing my acupuncture guy again too, I found it very beneficial last time and the research that I have read convinces me that it does improve pregnancy rates.

Paige rejected my breast milk about 4 weeks ago which was very sad for me (that is another post on its own) but it does mean that my cycle has come back and I will be able to proceed with IVF without having to take any extra medications. I will use the time between now and October to try to shed some kilos and get a bit healthier, the gestational diabetes knocked me around last time and Dr Jim says that it will come back again.

I will be 38 in about six weeks and I realise that time is against me. My poor old eggs didn’t do so well in previous rounds but I was lucky enough to get that one little embryo that stuck.

I will go into this next step with hope.

I can’t believe my little girl is 6 months old today.

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My beautiful girl is more than 2 months old.  I don’t know where the time has gone.

I am feeling much more confident with her and have the start of a routine happening. She is in bed at 7:00 each night and usually only wakes once for a feed. She is finally putting on weight and seems to be a healthy little girl.

Here is a pic of her 2 month birthday (first smile in a photo).

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How about that hair??

And all is well. I am soooooooooo ready.

I am just waiting, waiting, waiting. I am not very good at waiting.

If she was a present under the Christmas tree, I would unwrap her for a look and then put her back before anyone found out. I am so impatient to meet her!!

I am bored. Baby girl is bored too, she doesn’t have much room to move.

We are waiting for Tuesday together.

I have spent the day clucking away in the nursery with my mother.  Here are some pictures.

These are removable wall stickers (good friend to the renter).

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The mobile took longer to put together than the cot!!

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All is still well, nothing new to post on the pregnancy front except that it is nearly over!! I am getting very excited.

As the end draws closer I thought I would update you all with a couple of pictures taken today. Here I am at exactly 38 weeks.

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And this is the stupid grin I can’t wipe off my face…

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Does it look huge? It feels huge…

My weight gain has been 11.5kg (25 lbs) which is OK I guess – the doctors are happy with it. Add on another 5kg (11lbs) courtesy of IVF treatments.

I will post the nursery tomorrow.

Had my last OB appointment today with Dr H at his rooms. The next time we meet will be at the hospital for the c/section. He is pleased with my progress, my fundus measures 38cm which is good, the baby is sitting up very high under my ribs – no where near engaging yet (he strongly doubts that this will change between now and the 6th), BP is unremarkable and diabetes is reasonably well controlled.

I am tired and uncomfortable – my hat goes off to the women who work up until this far. I am just waiting now. Waiting to meet my daughter. I think her name is Paige.

I will try to keep my self distracted this week, will organise to catch up with a few friends, have a beautician’s appointment for some waxing. Will have a few naps. Will pack my bag. Will just keep waiting.

I am ready.

This is the date that I am booked in to deliver my baby via caesarian section. I am a bit stunned at the moment.

After having another scan and a long discussion with Dr H we have decided that a section is the least risky option for my baby and myself. Baby girl is measuring as fairly average but she seems to have a big head!!! Because of the diabetes she is expected to grow a lot in the next 3 weeks.

My specialist for the diabetes is reasonably happy with my progess so far but he warns that it gets worse as the pregnancy progresses and I am to maintain my diet and insulin regime. I am now having to wake up at 1.30am for an extra shot of insulin – that makes a total of 5 times a day. Dr H thinks the dose is massive but this guy seems to think it is what I need. I feel fine – just very tired.

If I go into labour early I still have the option of a VB but I will make that decision if/when it happens. My mother and sister will be around to help out when I get out of hospital. As someone who has seen a few sections the operation itself does not really worry me, the recovery – well thats another story.

And all is well…. Baby Girl is kicking and wriggling a lot. My sister is coming home after 18 months in Europe. Life is good.

I had my big ultrasound this Wednesday. Here are the pictures:

Still a bit like an alien, I already love her so much.

Here she is being shy….

I’ve been feeling quite well. A little tired, eating like a piglet (cannot seem to get enough in). I have quite the bump on me now – so looking and feeling pregnant.

I am thinking about names and buying all of the baby gear. I feel so much “safer” and can really enjoy this pregnancy – even the aches and pains, constipation and various other symptoms which I am not going to complain about. She will be worth every one of them.

As I said life is good…

 

PS: It is great to get some comments from new readers. Everyone is welcome.