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I have been MIA for a few weeks. Just tired, but all is well.

Had a check up today with Dr H which went beautifully. My mother came to the appointment and we got to see the baby waving its arms and kicking alot. I can’t feel it yet but it was amazing to see how active it is.

This picture is incredible – the baby is waving!! You can see it resting its head on the placenta. Dr H said it looks good and there is nothing to be concerned about there. It looks a bit freaky-weird to me – but I LOVE it!!

I have been booked in for the amniocentesis on 30 July. Not looking forward to it at all. I am still nervous about everything so I am hoping that this test will set my mind at ease. I can’t wait to find out the gender – calling it ‘it’ seems wrong.

This is the profile shot – head on the left, little leg on the right.

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I had a bit of a scare this week. Stopped using the progesterone on Tuesday and then had some spotting last night. 

Have been to see my doctor this morning and he has reassured me that all is well.  I got to see the baby again – it has arms and legs – it was moving alot and it’s heartbeat was really fast. I think it waved at me – such a relief.

I don’t go back to see Dr H again until 16 July now. He is quite happy with the way everything is going. Said he is more than happy for me to come and see him whenever I have any concerns. He said if a quick scan will reassure me then he is fine with that. At my next appointment we will schedule the amniocentesis, that will be scary.

The all-day-morning-sickness lingers on. I hope that it will come to an end soon.

Great appointment with Dr H, he was so happy for me. This is the first time I have seen him since the embryo transfer. He was great. The scan shows baby is 7 weeks exactly. It was amazing to see it’s little flickering heartbeat. It was super fast and Dr H is pleased with that too.

He has recommended the following treatment for me:

4 weekly appointments until week 32 (then more often)

Week 12 – more bloodwork & Scan (Nuchal Translucency)

Week 15/16 amniocentesis

Week 20 – Scan (morphology, development assessment)

Week 26 – Glucose tolerance test

Week 36-40 – Blood tests – antibody screen & iron studies

 

My due date is 15 January 2009. All is well with my world.

Everytime I see Dr H or Nurse Judy I end up crying. I had my appointment this morning and went in thinking -“You will not cry. YOU will not cry. You will NOT cry. YOU WILL NOT CRY!!”.

Dr H was sick – got to see his colleague – Dr M, he was nice, but in a rush and not too keen to talk.

E2 = 1342 – this is pathetic – even less than last time (and on heaps more Puregon). WTF??

Left ovary – what ovary? He couldn’t really see it on the ultrasound. What he thought might be the ovary didn’t have any follicles. I’m hoping it was hiding somewhere and is loaded with a couple.

Right ovary – Two nice big follicles – 20 & 21mm.

I am disappointed. Dr M and Nurse Judy sat me down to ‘discuss’ my options. Mainly cancelling the cycle. No guarantees of eggs, fertilisation, blah blah. As far as I am concerned the only guarantee is that I won’t get pregnant if I don’t even try – they said fine. Egg pick up is scheduled for Monday – please, please, please be beautiful, fat little eggs in there.

Judy mentioned a Boost/Flare cycle if I need to go again. Will have to wait and see.

Trying not to spin out now.

I didn’t cry.

Things didn’t go so well at the doctors today. I had my final blood test early this morning followed by an ultrasound.

When I walked into Dr H’s room for my ultrasound I told him I was feeling nervous – he answered with “me too”. WTF??? He had obviously seen my blood test results – E2 was only 1692 – he wanted it to be at least 4-5000. He said: “face it, you are getting old”. I made a nervous laugh and said something about wrinkles on my ovaries, he agreed.

The ultrasound was really depressing, there are 3 follicles on the left (15.6, 19.2, 20) and 1 on the right (15.7). He thinks I will probably lose the big one over the weekend. So maybe there will be 3. I know that this is not good. The odds aren’t good that there will be an egg in each, they probably won’t all fertilise.  I feel that I will be lucky if I get one embryo. I know that I might only need one BUT I believe the numbers, I read the stats, this is a numbers game and at the moment they aren’t in my favour.

I feel useless and helpless. I feel like such a dud. My body has let me down. I am so worried that there won’t be anything to transfer. I am worrying about the expense. I want to stop crying. These hormones are really fucking with my mind.

I wish I knew 5 years ago what I know now. I would have started much sooner. I feel that I have brought this on myself.

Waiting for the right time, waiting for the right man… not wanting to settle. I would settle now if I had the chance.