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This used to my blog about my journey to motherhood.

I’ve been a mother to a wonderful little girl for more than 2.5 years now.

Is the blog of any use to anyone?

I am thinking of taking it down…

I got the official word from the clinic today which just confirmed what I already knew. This cycle is over.

What plays most on my mind is that for a number of reasons I can only do 1 more cycle. Knowing that next cycle is my last is worrying. I have to pick myself up and get ready to go again. Will be commencing OCP as soon as AF arrives and hopefully start injections of Puregon and Luveris from 13 November. I am trying not to think too far ahead. Not ready to face what might be if this doesn’t work.

I will put in some photos of my beautiful girl. It is obvious (to me) looking at these why I want another one:

I am 10 days past a Day 3 Transfer.

A lot has happened since my last post. I commenced the Progynova after the non-response/cancelled IVF in hopes of growing a thick enough lining to maybe do a FET.  A week later, miracle of all miracles my lining was thick enough.

The FET was booked to use my one and only frozen embryo. They thawed in on the Sunday afternoon with hopes of doing transfer on Monday. It was another long shot buy my dear little embryo thawed beautifully with no damage at all. 

On Monday 19 October the embryo was transferred (the scientist told me it had started compacting and was as good as an embryo can be!), I am now at Day 10 of the 2ww. I tested this morning a got a BFN РI am hoping it is just too early to tell, I waver between hope and sadness. I know that if I do not get a BFP that December will be my last chance of ever having another baby.

I really hope this miracle embryo sticks.

I started my current round of IVF 8 days ago and today it was cancelled.

I have had absolutely no response to the Gonal f – was on 450iui – I am really shocked that nothing happened, nothing at all.

The real kick in the guts is that my FS suspects ovarian failure and is predicting menopause by the time I reach early 40’s. I am 38 now. This has been devastating news. I don’t think I truly realised how much I want this next baby until the chance was taken away.

This cancelled cycle is being changed to a FET to give my one lonely frozen embryo a chance. I have one week to grow a lining (on Progynova 4 times daily) Dr is not hopeful and he doesn’t give the embryo (a Day 3-er) much of a chance at surviving the thaw. I will try to not pin all of my hopes on this but I am glad that this little one is getting a chance.

We will review my situation after this. Dr has seen some success in “under-responders” with the use of Puregon/Follistim 600iui plus Luveris. This combination is supposed to increase quality and quantity, I don’t know anything about it yet. Will have to do some research.

I thank the universe for my miracle girl and now I wait.

We have had a crap week. Paige has had vomiting and diarrhoea. ¬†Have had her at the hospital twice for suspected dehydration. I am using every trick I know to try to keep the fluids in her. I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Doctor says it is probably viral – I’ve had it too(was so sick we had to stay at my mother’s).

I am sick of the sick. I am sick of washing sheets. I want my happy, smiley girl back.

I turned 38 this week.

Another year down, and I have to say that this last one was the best ever.¬† Being Paige’s mother has made this the most amazing year of my life.

I had a lovely day, lunch with some girlfriends and then coffee with another SMC-want-to-be. Her mother and my mother have a mutual friend who put us in touch. She wanted to discuss my experience and I have to say it was rewarding for¬†me to be able to share. I wish I’d had someone to talk to in-real-life before I started TTC.

The carers at daycare made me¬† a birthday card with Paige’s handprint and lots of glitter – the most beautiful card I have ever been given.

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And my girl crawls now!!

In TTC news, I started on the Pill last week and will start the Synarel on 18 September.

I will be going back to work on July 30 and it is not something that I am looking forward to. I want to stay home forever but finances (or lack of) demand that I must return. Money is the one thing that I really worry about, I wish that I was more financially secure. I have decided to return to work for only 2 days a week and we will be able to get by on that. There will be no spare money but it is a sacrifice that I am prepared to make for the next few years. Being a nurse means that I have an extremely flexible workplace Рthey are so desperate for staff that they will agree to anything to keep you. I also have the option of returning to fulltime hours anytime if I change my mind. At least my job is recession proof.

Childcare is another factor as it is so expensive (and hard to get). At some point you end up working just to pay for the childcare and that’s just crazy. Paige has been going for about 6 weeks now and she seems to be really enjoying it. There are plenty of activities and she is always smiling, clean and happy when I collect her. She sleeps well when she is there and eats all the food and bottles that I send with her. She doesn’t miss me at all. The staff seem to love her – she is a bit of a rockstar in the nursery. It has given me plenty of time to get used to her going and I feel very comfortable that she is getting excellent care.

Paige is such an amazing little person and she has opened my eyes to a side of life that I never new existed. The love I feel for her is overwelming and it has also made me realise that I don’t think that my family is complete yet.¬† I am going to try to have another baby. I have been to see my¬†specialist, Dr Jim, and we have decided that another full round of IVF will be done in October. I will start my injections on 1st October. There have been changes in¬†legislation here in Australia that will change the way that IVF is funded¬†starting in January next year. Doing a round in October means that I will also be able to do another in December if it is required before the new rules start. It will be good to start seeing my¬†acupuncture guy again¬†too, I found it very beneficial last time and the research that I have read convinces me that it does improve pregnancy rates.

Paige rejected my breast milk about 4 weeks ago which was very sad for me (that is another post on its own) but it does mean that my cycle has come back and I will be able to proceed with IVF without having to take any extra medications. I will use the time between now and October to try to shed some kilos and get a bit healthier, the gestational diabetes knocked me around last time and Dr Jim says that it will come back again.

I will be 38 in about six weeks and I realise that time is against me. My poor old eggs didn’t do so well in previous rounds but I was lucky enough to get that one little embryo that stuck.

I will go into this next step with hope.

I can’t believe my little girl is 6 months old today.

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I know I have been a bad blogger!! I am getting organised and I will be back soon.

Paige and I are well.